I'm having a life crisis. No matter if it is hormone induced, it's still a crisis. My family, Geoff, and myself were getting tired of my constant crying and emotional downpours. I've concluded it's definitely the birth control and set about to change it. But even so, that didn't stop me from having a total breakdown yesterday: sobbing, yell-crying, and an inability to drive home to my house without having to stop while chanting the ABC's. I was a total wreck and am happy to say that today I feel a lot better. I cancelled my work today and am taking the day off to "take a chill pill."
I've been reading some books about step-families. And from reading some stories of other women, I am happy to say it could be way worse. My step-kids are adorable and they love me. They aren't teenagers who ignore me, purposefully try to aggravate me, and I don't have a spouse who expects me to be perfect and love his kids exactly the way he does. That said, I had a great time taking Annika to tumbling class this week. She was a star! She has a natural ability for gymnastics. In the car ride over she kept asking me, "But I don't know how to do a somersault. Are they going to make me do a somersault?" She was definitely somersaulting by the time it was over, plus doing a back flip with the teacher's help. Asher, was watching the class and improvising his own moves: running and sliding into my leg, pointing his toes and twisting his body through the air, rolling on the floor.
Here is our cozy porch, the flowers were planted by Asher and myself. Annika and Asher planted squash and sunflowers in the seed starting kit, lower right side of the photo.
More step-mother thoughts: While I've been reading these books written by "experts" about step-families, they haven't really felt applicable to me and my own thoughts. I was reading this novel, Nightwoods. The main character has just inherited her neice and nephew, a set-of twins. They don't speak to her, and she's never been a parent before. She is trying to wrap her head around how they are all supposed to relate to each other. She says to herself, I don't expect myself to love them (which she inevitably does in time) I just have to be polite to them. She also calls herself "docent Luce." Her name is Luce, short for Lucinda, and she considers herself a docent for the kids, a teacher and
one who guides them through this exhibit we call life. That spoke to me, I'm actually a docent for my job, and I know what that entails. I've been falsely thinking I'm supposed to immediately love Asher and Annika and be ready to jump in front of a train for them (like their Dad would). But really, I don't have to. If I ever get to the point that I feel that way, great. But it's not a requirement to being a good step-mom.
More step-mother thoughts: While I've been reading these books written by "experts" about step-families, they haven't really felt applicable to me and my own thoughts. I was reading this novel, Nightwoods. The main character has just inherited her neice and nephew, a set-of twins. They don't speak to her, and she's never been a parent before. She is trying to wrap her head around how they are all supposed to relate to each other. She says to herself, I don't expect myself to love them (which she inevitably does in time) I just have to be polite to them. She also calls herself "docent Luce." Her name is Luce, short for Lucinda, and she considers herself a docent for the kids, a teacher and one who guides them through this exhibit we call life. That spoke to me, I'm actually a docent for my job, and I know what that entails. I've been falsely thinking I'm supposed to immediately love Asher and Annika and be ready to jump in front of a train for them (like their Dad would). But really, I don't have to. If I ever get to the point that I feel that way, great. But it's not a requirement to being a good step-mom. 
3 comments:
The step family thing is hard. I am sure it is difficult from both sides. I had a hard time with my dad getting remarried. I like his wife, but man I felt like a out of control teenager who's parents were going through a divorce. It has been over two years since they started dating. Part of what was so hard was they started dating only three months after my mom passed. I have never known such strong feelings of anger, resentment, and betrayl towards one of my parents. Things are easier now, not perfect, but easier. She will never be my mom, but I can consider her a friend. Time does make it easier. It seems like it takes a while to figure out how to all mesh together, what the boundaries are, and to shape what the relationship will develop into. I know it is completely different situation than yours, but I feel your pain. It is a hard experience at any age and on both sides. Good luck, Emily. You will be a great stepmom and things will work out. It just will take time. I am still working on it myself. :)If you ever want to talk send me a message on Facebook and I will send you my number. Take care!
We should catch up friend. I really want to listen.
Be gentle with yourself....even in the scriptures we have examples of those who we (at least me!) expected to have all the answers, incrementally moving forward with faith (such as Adam and Mary). This gives me comfort to know that I am not the only one who sometimes feels uncertain and anxious, but also the assurance that as I step forward from my position of weakness, means will be provided for me to have what I need to continue on. I count the Fox family as one of my blessings which helped me navigate through dark waters :-). I like the quote from President Hinkley:
"Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." I hope you feel better soon!
Post a Comment